Could Being Wrong Save Your Relationships?

One of the most amazing tools of Access Consciousness™ is the willingness and ability to be wrong.

How can this be true, when most of us have spent our entire lives trying to escape being wrong? Some of us are so convinced we are truly and inescapably wrong that we’re desperate to be right.

Sometimes that drive to be right can even express itself as a desperation to be wrong, because then at least we’ll be right about the one thing we can be right about—that we’re wrong. By being wrong we’ll be right that we are wrong. We’ll reach the safety of that impenetrable fortress of being absolutely totally irrevocably right and not have to risk any vulnerability ever again.

As Access Founder and best selling author Gary Douglas puts it, “The only time you know you’re right is when you’re wrong.” He calls it “the rightness of the wrongness of you.”

Crazy, eh? Without a doubt! But if the world functioned on thinking, logic, and figuring it out, would you still be looking to fix what you cannot make work in your life? Would you consider the possibility that the further reaches of your “crazy mind” are a far more likely source of the limitations that bind?

If you’d be willing to be crazy enough to try a tool that is admittedly crazy according to this reality, but really works, here’s how it goes.

Whenever you have an upset in a relationship with someone (especially one caused by your insistence on being right about what you believe to be true), what you say is this:

“You’re right. I’m wrong. I’m sorry.”

Douglas gave this tool to a client who used it with great success. “Help!” she called to him in desperation. “My mother is driving me crazy and I’m here for another week! What can I do?”

The woman was visiting her mother on an isolated Caribbean island and had another week of living with a “born-again born-again,” a fundamental Christian who had been saved not once, but twice.

“Tell her she’s right, you’re wrong,” advised Douglas.

“But I’m not wrong!” wailed the woman.

“I didn’t say you were wrong. I said to tell her that you’re wrong. That is her point of view.”

Once the woman realized she was just acknowledging the point of view her mother already had, she could do it, and she had the best visit with her mother she’d ever had. Not only that, but when she left her mother gave her $5,000.

Now, there’s no guarantee you’ll receive $5000 the first time you’re willing to be wrong—but it is guaranteed that your insistence on being right has been costing you plenty.

“There is no freedom in being right,” observes Douglas. “There is only freedom in being wrong.” Once you are willing to be wrong, you have no necessity of defending your point of view, and your ability to perceive, know, be, and receive becomes much greater.

If you insist on being right, no information that doesn’t match that point of view—the judgment, conclusion, or decision you have made—can come into your awareness. That awareness you block by insisting on being right keeps you from being able to receive everything you’ve been asking for. Ooops! Are you still sure you want to be right?

Another principle of Access Consciousness™ is the acknowledgement that what feels light to you is true, while what feels heavy is a lie. Sometimes Douglas has participants in his seminars repeat the magic sentences: “You’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry,” 10 times. At the end of the recitation when he asks the class if they feel heavy or light, the answer is always that they feel lighter. Crazy, perhaps, but true.

There is a further application of this tool. If you’ve really mucked up a relationship by your insistence on being right, you can add a question, “What can I do to make up for the damage I’ve done?”

Most often very little is required. The recipient of the question may be so surprised at hearing someone actually admit to being wrong when everyone they’ve ever met is insistent on being right that they may be stunned into silence.

They may even try to make you, that wrong one, feel better. This occurred with the woman in the story above. “You’re not wrong, dear,” her mother told her. “You’re just mistaken.”

Would you be willing to be wrong if it could make things go so much easier in your life?

Posted March 22, 2012, used by permission from