Early Spring: Thawing Out Your Relationship with You

In these weeks before spring, we often think about the thaw. Ice and snow gives way to soft earth, blooming, green, becoming. Where have you shut off your natural blooming and appreciation of yourself for the ice of the judgments pushed upon you when you were young?

There is a disconnection right at birth. We are taken from that warm place and immediately we are weighed, measured and judged.

Thawing hearts

As tiny infants we are put through a gauntlet of judgments: how cute we are, are we the right weight, were we born female or male  (and what did our parents want, and how do they and others judge each gender?) Even as infants we pick up on these judgments’.  A child is just an infinite being in a little body.

This infinite being with infinite choice comes into this body and a lot of their choices are taken away from them, immediately. Do  you see how this can cause disconnection right at the start?

From the beginning we are told how, where and when to be, and then are continually judged for it.

What this means is that you are brought into this reality and the first thing you do is try to fit in to a reality that does not honor your awareness of what works for you, and the difference you be. It does not honour your awareness of what and how you perceive the world, what you know, what you are capable of receiving and who you truly be with choice and possibilities.

If you are not taught at a very young age that your body is a part of who you be, and not the totality of who you be, this is also a huge disconnect that people bring into relationships.


Your tools for getting to know you, for thawing out your relationship with you, can always be found in the form of a question.
Pick one or all of these questions:

Begin by asking yourself:

“Who does that belong to?”

“Is it mine, someone else’s or something else’s?”

“Who did I buy that from? Where did I buy that from?”

“What would it take to let that go?”

“Who am I being this for, and what is the value of holding onto it?”

Once we have become aware of our disconnection we can then begin to change it! It’s the willingness to acknowledge that you are part of something greater, and to begin to thaw out the chilly disconnection that we are born into in order to create the warm, green, growing energy of who you truly be! Chances are that what it takes to let all of this go is asking these questions, and clearing anything that gets in the way of choosing something different! Becoming aware of the disconnect and where it comes from is the first step!

Wishing you Warm, Loving Connectedness in your relationship with YOU!

Please comment below. I’d love to hear from you. Plus, you could be chosen to receive a FREE 15 minute personal consultation. We’ll be choosing a winner at random before our next blog post.

Let’s get a discussion going! What comes up for you when you read this blog?

Click here to comment.

Thank you as always for visiting. Keep asking questions!


24 replies
  1. dawn
    dawn says:

    Thank you, Susan

    You have a way of showing up in my inbox with exactly what is relevant and up in that moment. So very grateful for you! ;D

  2. Nuthan Shankarappa
    Nuthan Shankarappa says:

    Hi Susan,
    Thanks for the contribution…. I wonder what contribution can I be…

    The pt of disconnection at the time of birth was so spot on and i did run clearing saying wherever i Hv doneat to my son and wherever i rxed it when i was born…destroy and uncreate it all with cs… What other questions can I ask… Does BMM starts at birth or when we r in the womb and start listening to can’s and can’ts of mother and the family we constantly listen and perceive?!


  3. KDW
    KDW says:

    Thank you for the clarity on disconnection from birth onward and the questions to promote awareness. As someone who has always known that they were not wanted, these tools will give me immense benefits.

    • SusanLazarHart
      SusanLazarHart says:

      Thank you, I am so grateful for the responses to this blog and for your willingness to be so vulnerable- what a wonderful contribution for al those who are reading this.

  4. Margaret
    Margaret says:

    Hi Susan, What comes up is that this is true. We grow up not knowing that everything we have learned since birth has been enforced on us that we don’t know any better way of life or how to change things to change the outcome of our lives. We grow up to be carbon copies of our parents or grandparents. How do I change this to become the warm green?

    • SusanLazarHart
      SusanLazarHart says:

      I Love this question
      It is a matter of Choice.
      As long as you are willing to ask a question, awareness becomes a possibility. Choice creates awareness. Awareness creates possibility. Possibility creates contribution with every question like “What else is possible?’” How can I change this?”
      Scan your life. Allow any lie, anything that weighs you down to discharge, to dissipate. Learn that you can address what isn’t working for you, with true caring for you, independent of significance. What if your caring for you was not used against you?
      Simply address the awareness, acknowledge the awareness, ask another question, and let the weight go. Let it go.
      Allow for this process of stimulation and energetic detoxification of everything you have been holding onto that has never been yours. Take a breathe- go out in Nature, sense the contribution of sunshine on your face, the wind in your hair, and choose something else, if just for ten seconds.
      And so with question, choice, possibility and contribution we begin to plant the seeds that will be gently nurtured by each awareness.
      Allow these seeds you are planting to hum and pulsate and sing to the vibration of what you would like to create for your future, expand their energetic qualities and properties. Acknowledge your brilliance in awakening you to your greatest treasure- you

  5. Bhagyalakshmi
    Bhagyalakshmi says:

    As always…..so wonderful to read your blog post.
    “There is a disconnection right at birth. We are taken from that warm place and immediately we are weighed, measured and judged.”
    So profoundly true!
    You are truly amazing,Susan!!
    Last March we were at the Facilitators class together and I remember sharing the breakfast table with you and Sudha one morning.
    Thank you for the incredible expansiveness you bring about with so much ease.
    Infinite love and gratitude

    • SusanLazarHart
      SusanLazarHart says:

      Dear Bhagya ,
      I remember well that morning breakfast in Rome.
      Thank you so very much for your kindness and caring and the way in which you choose to be on this planet for all of us. So glad you are enjoying these blogs. I look forward to being with al of you in India with Right Relationship for You classes – just arranging the details now.

  6. Kirsty
    Kirsty says:

    So we mimic absolutely everything and everyone right from birth because we are trying to fit in, so therefore we have absolutely no idea who we truly are. When we use the tools and release an old mimicked pattern and choose something else, don’t we just then choose someone or something else to mimic?
    Each time we choose something else, don’t we just repeat the pattern over and over and over again. Is it possible to ever be completely free of mimicking and just be who we truly are?
    I am in a new relationship, undoing the old relationship pattern that I mimicked from my parents, as I knew it didn’t work because I wasn’t happy and my marriage ended. I find myself looking round at other peoples relationships thinking ‘Oh I’d like to have some of that in my relationship, oh and some of that’
    Isn’t that then creating another pattern by being and mimicking someone else? It feels like a heavy never ending cycle.

    • eileen
      eileen says:

      i dont think its about not mimicking other relationships…. most likely you will find some version of every kind of relationship possible is already out there… ask the question, what would i like for me? what would make me the happiest ive ever been? and dont judge it for looking like this persons relationship or that kind of relationship. As long as its what works for you, dose it really matter? hope this helps. i apologise if im sticking my nose in, feel free to ignore me! hdigabtt

    • SusanLazarHart
      SusanLazarHart says:

      When you begin to use the tool of asking questions every time you contract, you begin to release all the mimicry and allow you, your body and your being to be infused with who you truly be, what is vital to you and why you chose to come here.

      • SusanLazarHart
        SusanLazarHart says:

        interesting reply- thank you-may I step in?
        “what would make me the happiest I have ever been?” That question is asking for you to be kept in the past. It’s like saying that was the best meal I ever had or the best sex I ever had- does that allow for anything greater to show up? Or have you just told the universe that was the best- don’t bother sending me anything greater
        That is why we play with the tool/question- What else is possible here?
        What else is possible here for me that I haven’t been willing to be or see?
        What energy space and consciousness can my body and I be that would allow us to receive the energies of a conscious nurturing relationship, no matter what it looks like, no matter what it takes?

  7. Yvonne
    Yvonne says:

    I had forgotten to ask “Does it belong to SOMETHING else?” I like the questions you posted to be able to ask some more surrounding this. I do get a bit confused when it doesn’t belong to the earth. I sometimes go into trying to figure it out ‘what the what is’, then I remember that I don’t need to know specifically what it belongs to. This is where the questions “Where did I buy this from?” and “How could I let this go?” might come in handy. HDIGABTT???? Letting go of some pain that I was holding for PETS was really expansive. I am so grateful to the most basic questions in Access Consciousness.
    Susan, I loved the “getting weighed and measured and judged upon birth” – so true for me!
    It brought up a whole lot to clear, as I was the second child and was a girl. How awesome that I have access to tools that contribute to my everyday living and lightening and being the me I truly BE 🙂 WEIP??

    • SusanLazarHart
      SusanLazarHart says:

      Me too, I was a fourth child and a girl. My Mom always told me she always wanted a girl so she kept trying. She also said I should be grateful my brother wasn’t a girl or she wouldn’t have had me. So how much have we been entrained to our parents expectations’ and projections way before insemination? Who doe that belong to can go back many many lifetimes, past present and future. Pod and poc everywhere you have bought any of that as yours.

  8. Eileen Murphy
    Eileen Murphy says:

    Wow! Thank you for that! Who did I buy this from? Duh! Ha ha I never knew I cud buy it from someone! I always thought I simply created it. Why did you create this? Never worked on me. And if course I’d make it valuable if I bought it! Also the recent video on access. Right relationship with you! Awsome! Brilliant. I’ve realised where I don’t trust myself to choose and I won’t allow myself a choice then. And I blame the other person because I feel trapped! Over that now…weip?!

  9. mariam
    mariam says:

    i did the biomemetic mimicry for my mom and dad’s relationship a few times but i still find myself in a similar relationship where the guy cheats and denies and at i get heartbroken and need him to appologise and then create drama in my life and living! i started applying the tools in this post and i feel i have more space but there is still something holding me into this pattern, i can feel it in my body under my ribs and it stops me from expanding… how can i be all i can be and expand out of this?

    • Yvonne
      Yvonne says:

      How about asking: “Who am I contracting myself for?” “Where have I made it vital to hold my breath for someone else?”. Might you be able to run the biomimetic mimicry with other people around you? Are there possibly other people that are doing this, around you or in this world?

      • mariam
        mariam says:

        Thank you Yvonne, where have i made it vital to hold my breath for someone else really gave me a lot of space!
        if it is a thing that is happening all around me though, how can i expand out of it? because yes indeed i am surrounded by people with the same situations, over and over!

    • SusanLazarHart
      SusanLazarHart says:

      Please read what you wrote:
      “i still find myself in a similar relationship where the guy cheats and denies and at i get heartbroken and need him to apologize and then create drama in my life and living!”

      Every where we use the word still we are holding in place what was- thus it becomes a story-“ it was a dark and rainy night and all of a sudden a guy cheated on me leaving me heartbroken and stranded on the river of life” Really?
      And you would “need” someone to apologize for being who is for what reason? That is his choice to “cheat “ on you. Who he is, is who he is-What would you like to create for you?
      When we stand in judgment of someone and hold onto expectations of what they should or should not do how much are we holding onto not creating a life for ourselves?

  10. Barb
    Barb says:

    Love the question who am I being this for.
    I have been asking the others and this one opens up a whole new level to clear from
    with gratitude

  11. Kim
    Kim says:

    This posting was exactly what I was thinking about this morning during my quiet time. I love that I came back from my walk to find this which just was a validation of what is blocking me in some areas of my life – all of the old patterns. Thank you!

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