Storm Repair: Why Being Wrong is So Right

178535656It’s early morning in Barcelona, my last day. I am sitting here in a cozy cafe and the rains are relentless.

Springtime often brings storms. Rain and wind stir up our worlds, and by the time it all passes, we’re often left stumbling around, disheveled and windblown, trying to clean up the downed branches and broken bits.

How many of us create storms in our relationships and then refuse to clean up? A couple? A few? More like 99.999%! Unresolved conflicts can result in resentments, and do damage to our relationships. Did you ever notice in this reality, we’d often rather be right than be happy?

If this sounds familiar, here’s a tip for you.

The willingness to be wrong is a great way to eliminate the conflict in your life. I don’t mean the willingness to be a victim as in how come I am always wrong. More like, I wonder… “What and who am I defending by always having to be right?” Do you get the energy of that?

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When you can say, “I am wrong.” from a place of total allowance, no judgment can affect you. It’s the ultimate freedom.

I can feel you tensing up as I type. Stay with me here. This is really good stuff. I promise! Try saying, “You’re right, I am wrong” to someone you love during or after a “storm”. Seriously, try this. It really works. Say to the person, “You are right, I am wrong,” and after you say it three times they may soften with a response like “No, you are not wrong, you are just mistaken.”

Say “I am wrong.” with the awareness that you are wrong (in their eyes). Be sincere. It’s just about being willing to say you are wrong. You don’t have to actually make yourself wrong. Talk to what people can hear. What are they trying to prove? That they’re right. As soon as you say you’re wrong, they don’t have to make themselves right any more. Brilliant!

It may take some practice to be able to say it and be sincere. In my classes, I have my students say it 10 times aloud. Practice and feel the freedom it brings.

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Further, when you are ready to repair a relationship that has been damaged by your insistence on being right you can usethis tool: “I’m sorry, I was wrong. What can I do to make up for the damage I have done?” All will be forgiven in mere minutes. If there is something they require, be willing to deliver or say bye-bye to the relationship.

What they need to hear is that they are right and you’re wrong. So tell them what they need to hear. Are they going to hear anything else anyway? No. So you might as well tell them what they require. “You’re right, I’m wrong.” It really is one of the greatest freedoms.

Xo
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Calling all courageous ones! Tell us how this tool worked for you below. I’m sure a few of our readers are skeptical and could use a little encouragement!

9 replies
  1. Linda
    Linda says:

    It was my mission in life to be always right and do the right thing! When ever I wasn’t right or didn’t do the right thing, I would judge myself very harshly and felt the need to punish myself. So I would learn and do it right the next time, I was living my mothers pain, reality, pathways and insanity.

    I have gained so much space and freedom when I became “willing to be wrong” that I totally have myself now, Amazing.

    This is one of the greatest gifts I got from Access Consciousness and playing with people you Susan. Thank you for being you! I am truly grateful….

    Linda from Vancouver Canada

  2. Katrina Gudman
    Katrina Gudman says:

    RRFY, Love this post! I recently got out of a long term abusive relationship where I always felt I was in the wrong. I thought it was my fault that he was emotionally abusive and physically abusive. The first time I read this post I was a little put off because I felt that you were talking about being “submissive” to somebody else but quickly realized that this post is subjective. My “wrongness” was staying with him for so long and not getting out the second I felt the “wrongness.”

    Just wanted to let you know that while I understand what is being said in this post and how it could work for other people, it also works for me. I love that all of your blog posts, postings, tweets, Facebook posts, LinkedIn, graphics, EVERYTHING can be interpreted to work for every individual person. I love that.

    Thank you for NOT sticking to the norm and really putting thought into EVERYTHING you put out there.

    I’m so grateful and I wish you the best of luck in this business.

    Katrina (Author, Journalist and Mom) , Germany

  3. Jen Gushue
    Jen Gushue says:

    Another great post hit out of the park! I’m loving all of the free resources on RRFY. Look forward to the next blog post.

    J

  4. Stephanie Humphreys
    Stephanie Humphreys says:

    Hi Susan,
    Trish Moran was raving about RRFY so I decided to check it out. After reading this post some questions popped up for me:
    – What would it take for me to acknowledge and accept “wrongness”?
    – What would it take for being “wrong” to not feel like a BAD thing?
    – How can I become the infinitely “wrong” being that I desire in my relationships?

    How cool!
    Thanks ever so.
    Steph Humphreys, Ireland

  5. Jahara Selter
    Jahara Selter says:

    Came across the Right Relationship for You on Facebook and I have to say I’m pleasantly surprised.

    Some of the questions or “clearings” are a little unclear to me, but I get the underlying message.

    I’ve been interested in Access Consciousness for a long time, but haven’t had the time/patience to take the classes.

    This is definitely one of the specialty classes that I’ll be sure to “take in” if you’re ever in London, UK.

    From,
    Jahara Selter

  6. Sudhari Amal
    Sudhari Amal says:

    Wow, what an awesome post! It’s posts like this that make me excited for the next, the next and the next blog to come out.. thank you for refreshing my “relationship speedometer.”

    Sudhari A.

  7. Jalon
    Jalon says:

    Hi RRFY,
    I came across your website based off of recommendation from a lady at work. I was a little skeptical as I’m not overly familiar with Access Consciousness, but after reading this post I think I understand. After reading this and reading aloud “Who am I defending?” I felt my wall start to come down. I realized that with my hubby, I’m in a “take it all” mindset rather than a “being in allowance” mindset.

    Thanks for helping me realize that I always feel the need to be right without me in “allowance” of wrongness..

    xo
    Jalon

    • Susan Lazar Hart
      Susan Lazar Hart says:

      Hello Jalon
      Thank YOU so much for your awareness and the willingness to see what else is possible when we lower our barriers. I love that you said I felt my walls tumbling down. Exactly! How much efforting is required to building those walls, all those thoughts feelings and emotions you have to make significant are the bricks and mortar to those walls and now that we have them up we have to defend them. So who are we really keeping out with those walls- us or “them” .
      Everywhere you have created a wall to you, to receiving you and to keeping out anyone perceiving or receiving you, would you be willing to give all of that up now? Would an infinite being require a wall? That’s where we ask that great question- Who does that belong to?
      Here is a great question I ask every morning as soon as my eyes pop open; Who am i today and what great and grand adventure can i be , do have, create generate and change and choose? And everything that doesnt allow that? Let it go- its probably not yours to begin with!

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