Growing with Relationships

I just realized the other day I have been with Ricky since I was 21- that makes 40 years together – who knew?

How many of us have decided that it’s impossible to continue to grow and develop individually when we also desire to be in a relationship with someone else?

People often ask me what’s the secret? No secret – just a few helpful tips.

Tip One

Acknowledge when something isn’t working. Acknowledge when something is working.

The first step is to acknowledge when something isn’t working. Don’t let it fester. Look at the relationship you are in and acknowledge what is there, what works and what doesn’t work.

Here are some questions to ask:

What possibilities are available here that I haven’t acknowledged?

What possibilities can I be that would create a totally different reality?

What else is possible here for me that I haven’t been willing to be or see?

What I have found is it’s important to be a possibility, not just ask for one to show up. To be a possibility you must be in the question. In order for you to be in the question, you have to get out of necessity, blame, shame, regret, and guilt.

When we get to the point where we realize that something isn’t working, we have the choice to do and BE different.

Tip Two

Give up referencing the past.Screen Shot 2014-05-14 at 10.42.45 AM

If you really want to grow in any relationship (first and foremost would be the relationship you are creating with yourself), you have to function from question, choice, possibility, and contributionTo function from question is to gain awareness.

When you ask a question, you open the doors to multiple possibilities. When you choose one of the possibilities, it gives you an awareness of other possibilities. Choice creates awareness. The second step is to give up referencing the past. The past is all about judgment. You take something bad and project it into the future; “He always does this…” “Last time you said that….” “ She never understood me…” How many of us react to what we have decided we know about ourselves or someone else rather than being in the question of what else is possible for the future.

How many people do you know that keep trying to get you to focus and come down to something that they can control?

If you are truly willing to function from choice, question, and possibility, then you start to open possibilities to relationships that you never even thought were possible or had existed.

When you are in creation; you are in action. Then it’s about: What’s the question here? What choice do I have? What possibilities are there? What contribution can I be and receive from all of this? You no longer function as though you are at the effect of things and other people.

Tip Three

Be willing to let go and let grow.

If something isn’t working ask, “What would work for me?” “What else is possible?”

When you are willing to shift and change, something greater can show up. This allows you to stay present with the person as they are and not keep going to the past to create the present and the future.



Tip Four

Be willing to be grateful.

Gratitude always contributes to whatever shows up.

What would it take to be grateful for every awareness, possibility, contribution and choice, no matter how uncomfortable it is? What could show up then? What questions have you been refusing to ask?



What comes up for you when you read this blog? I’d love to hear from you. Even if you don’t win a complimentary 15-minute private session, I’ll respond to your post when I can. How does it get better than that?

With joy,