I was recently asked about dealing with grief when a loved one passes on. It’s interesting that grief comes up around the subject of relationships because not only do we grieve when someone dies, but many people also grieve when a relationship ends.
The way that this reality looks at death is that it is an ultimate ending to the relationship, and it doesn’t take into consideration that we are infinite beings whose energies never die.
So, when most people are grieving, they are grieving the death, not the loss of the physical being. There is a difference, and while it may not be entirely comforting in the moment, when we see death as merely a changing of the location of the energetic being and not their complete and utter disappearance, it may help the depth to which we experience the grief.
Often we are told by others when and how it is appropriate to grieve. We may be criticized for grieving too much, or too little. We may be judging ourselves about it as well.
What if it is ok to grieve, and there is no rightness or wrongness in how we grieve? What if one of the ways to allow for more ease in your grief, is to start to be in allowance of yourself and stop judging yourself? Even if you are still grieving many months after the person has passed on?
It is ok to grieve. You are missing the person who died and that is natural. You are missing those times you had together. When we judge ourselves for grieving, we make ourselves wrong for it, and that is when it is not a contribution to our lives.
Allow the tears, and be with it in those moments or that hour, and then maybe ask a question, and have gratitude for that person and remember you are still alive and living!
Ask, “What is it now that I would like to do?” It could be just going for a walk and allowing the countryside to contribute to you. It might be getting out with friends for a while, or watching a movie or television show that you really enjoy. Maybe it’s a lovely nap to refresh your body!
Self-nurturing during this time will contribute a great deal to not allowing the sadness, tears, and trauma to take over your life. It is important that we not become lost in the swamp of the grief, but that we allow it to ebb naturally as we continue to live our lives. If grief was a gift, what choices could it offer you, and what changes could those choices bring? Asking these kinds of questions can open up new possibilities in your world.
Grieving a loss is natural. Relationships end for many reasons, and we do experience loss. Judging our grief is where we get into trouble. Judgment always sticks us. As you are in allowance of your grieving, you will find that you are able to move through it more easily, and continue to create your life. Joy will follow, as it is always available to us when we are in allowance and asking questions.
I would like to thank Wendy Mulder for her wonderful contribution to this blog. I highly recommend her book Learning from Grief where she offers a very different look at how grief can be a contribution to you in your life!
I invite you to be in total allowance of you, nurture your relationship with yourself and be in the comfort of knowing that grief is only temporary, but joy can be yours each and every ten seconds of your life.
What comes up for you when you read this blog? I’d love to hear from you. Your contribution creates more possibilities for me and other readers!